"Perhaps nowhere does it become so clear that love transcends the taking form than in its tenderness. In love hands don't take, grasp or hold. They caress. Caressing is the possibility of human hands to be tender. The careful touch of the hand makes for growth. Like a gardner who carefully touches the glower to enable the light to shine through and stimulate growth, the hand of the lover allows for the full self-expression of the other. In love the mouth does not bite, devour or destroy. It kisses. A kiss is not to take in, but to allow for the full and fearless surrender. In love the eyes don't trap the stranger's body through a sartrian keyhole, nor do they arouse shame by the feeling of being exposed as Noah felt when his son Ham looked at his naked body, but in love the eyes over the other's body with the warm radiation of an admiring smile as an expression of tenderness." - Intimacy by Henri Nouwen

I think I've become a very different person than who I was a couple years ago. I've grown in a lot of ways. It was not pleasant. There was much pain and heartache, tears and sadness along the way. Challenges shaped me. Not to say I'm at the end of the road but you'll never know how you'll see yourself in a couple years. Am I grateful? Glad? Satisfied where I am? I'm not sure. All I know that love will follow me all the days of my life. And I pray that I'll be wise enough let it pursue me.

Chinatown Community Development Center:

Modern Marxist Approaches to Community Development



1. Introduction
Poverty is clearly a problem that plagues modern society. Some have speculated that poverty is the major obstacle of our generation. No matter what political, religious and ideological background one may associate with, the facts of poverty are undeniable and clearly undesirable. However, despite this common understanding that poverty exists, many have sought to explain the origins of poverty—and this is where many diverge in views. Ted Bradshaw explains the myriad of views—of which he defines five major views: poverty caused by individual deficiencies, poverty caused by cultural belief systems, poverty caused by systemic and structural discrimination, poverty caused by geographical disparities and poverty caused by cumulative and cyclical interdependencies (Bradshaw, 2003, 317). The San Francisco Chinatown has been historically recognized as a place of culture and heritage, however also, as a place of blight and poverty. However, there are two approaches in explaining Chinatown’s poverty. The first explanation attributes poverty and crime in Chinatown as a result of the deficiencies of Chinese and immigrant culture. This clearly is found along the lines of the theory of poverty as caused by cultural belief systems. The second explanation seeks to expose the geographical and spatial disparities that result as a “spatial expressions of the capitalist system” (Bradshaw, 2003, 327). The Chinatown Community Development Center (CCDC) adopts this explanation of poverty, as a spatial expression of capitalism (and ultimately, exploitation of the underclass)—clearly rejecting the former theory of poverty as cultural. As one enters into the discussion of mitigating poverty in such a place, one must turn to the contemporary efforts of the Chinatown CDC, a community development corporation, and community development as a field of study. This is crucial in understanding the ideological and theoretical perspectives applied to this line of work (community development). In a case study of Chinatown and the CCDC, this community development organization seeks to mitigate the effects of poverty through a modern Marxist lens (Cornel West and Pierre Bourdieu) of spatial and geographical exploitation by the means of local control, building physical capital and Bourdieu’s use of symbolical resistance.

2. The Chinatown CDC as a Community Development Corporation
In order to understand the basic approaches to deal with poverty, the Chinatown CDC is a good example of spatial theory of poverty applied in the community development field. Background information (legal status, organizational structure, funding sources etc) is necessary in understanding this case study. In this case study, the CCDC is an organization that clearly engages in community development, maintains a organizational, structural commitment to the poor, and seeks funding from major sources in order to acquire projects of scale, ultimately affecting more low-income families.

2.1 Clearly, a “Community Development” Organization
The CCDC engages in community development. The Chinatown CDC seeks “to build community and enhance the quality of life for San Francisco residents” (ChinatownCDC.org). The center also works in North Beach and the Tenderloin with 22 building projects containing over 2,200 affordable housing units. Along with working for affordable housing, the center acts as a “community development organization with many roles, serving as neighborhood advocates, organizers, planners, as developers and managers of affordable housing” (ChinatownCDC.org). A holistic approach to community development, grassroots political mobilization and a commitment to low-income families and individuals, drives the CCDC in several projects. An example of a housing preservation of Namiki Apartments (a affordable housing project for senior residents) demonstrates a glimpse of what the Chinatown CDC does. In 2002, the Chinatown CDC worked with various other groups including the San Francisco Redevelopment Agency to officially acquire the Namiki Apartments. Gordon Chin, the Executive Director of the center commented that the "Chinatown CDC is committed to acquiring expiring use developments to preserve their long-term affordability. For low-income families and seniors on fixed incomes, the effects of losing their housing could be devastating” (Vodak). The Chinatown CDC clearly demonstrates an example of community development as a local permanent organization that builds physical, social and political capacity for low-income families. As a non-profit 501(c)(3), this organization is clearly non-market based as well as non-governmental. The organization, originally starting in 1977 as a conglomeration of five grassroots organizations, is a level one organization with paid staff with a funding source spanning from individuals to corporations to funding foundations.

2.2 Structural Commitment to the Community and the Poor
The Chinatown CDC’s organizational structure is elaborate and reflects the type of work the center engages in the community. The decisions of the organization are made by a Board of Directors with 27 members according to the organization website (ChinatownCDC.org). Board members consist of mostly local residents with experience in law, finance and housing development. Mostly notably, board members have significant positions in other community-based organizations and non-profits such as Cai Zhong Li, President of the Community Tenants Association, Gregory Chin, a consultant for the Bay Area Local Initiatives Support Corporation, Christabel Cheung, the Director of Diversity for the American Society on Aging and Ken Nim of Goodwill Industries. This reflects the organizations commitment to the low-income and marginalized community, in contrast to CBOs that mostly consist of business elites and politicians. In addition to the Board of Directors, the organization has 51 paid staffs, which are divided into 10 categories. There are Executive staff, Administration staff, Fiscal and MIS staff, Housing Development staff, Resource Development staff, Property Management staff and Programs staff. The Programs staffs are subdivided into four teams for their respective programs of the Youth Team, Tenant Service team, Planning team and Community Organizing team. Through a multi-faceted approach, advocacy, planning, community organizing positions are all examples of the CCDC’s commitment to the poor outside of the main housing development approach.

2.3 Major Funding: Needed But Not Swayed by Outside Interests
Funding sources come from a variety of individuals, foundations and corporations. While funding might been seen as an indicator of whether a CDC can maintain community interests in contrast to outside business interests, the CCDC maintains a community-based ethos through finding multiple and major funding sources in order to acquire projects of scale. Major funding sources (banks, businesses and multi-national corporations) is needed in order to maintain 2000+ affordable housing units. A smaller CDC may resist bank and business funding sources to mitigate outside interests. However, the CCDC is such a large organization that it needs engage in such a task. The organization finds much of its support deeply rooted in the local community of San Francisco, reflecting the organizations success and reputation among residents and local community members as well as business owners and politicians. Notable funders include Washington Mutual, the Evelyn and Walter Haas Jr. Foundation, Department of Public Health, Lucas Film Ltd. and a myriad of other corporations, foundations and individuals found on the organizations website (ChinatownCDC.org). While notable funders include banks, businesses and wealthy individuals, the CCDC maintains a modern Marxist understanding of poverty and seeks to maintain a community-based ethos as demonstrated by the following arguments.

3. Modern Marxism and Spatial Theory of Poverty Applied by the CCDC
The Chinatown CDC engages in a spatial and geographical understanding of poverty through modern Marxist underpinnings of capitalism. This is demonstrated in three ways: engaging in local control, physical capital and symbolic resistance. First, local control ensures that the underclass retains power to resist exploitation and serve self-interests. Second, building physical capital acts as a means to protect low-income families and individuals from the effects of gentrification and displacement. The gentrification of communities (where the poor are displaced by the way of the wealthy moving into the community resulting in housing prices becoming too high) is seen as a result of the natural flows of a capitalist system. Third, symbolic resistance is a necessary tool used by the Chinatown CDC in order to dislodge popular understandings of Chinatown as a place of cultural disparity and inherent poverty.

3.1 Local Control as a Means of Resistance
Local control is the concept that the community participation happens on a place-based (versus individual based) level in or through community-based organizations like CDCs and CBOs in order to maximize the voice of local residents in a local community. Local control is crucial in community development because “community self-determination should help to ensure that the felt needs of community members, not the self-interest of service providers or policymakers, guide the setting of priorities” (Ferguson, Stoutland 51). This sort of community self-determination is a crucial step in mitigating the effects of poverty by resisting outside interests.
The Chinatown CDC enhances local control of residents and community members—particularly youth—in a modern Marxist (Bourdieu) understanding of power. This is demonstrated by the AAA (Adopt-An-Alleyway) youth empowerment program, which is put on by the Chinatown CDC. The AAA trains and teaches youth (middle school, high school and college) how to keep Chinatown Alleyways clean through cleanups and trash pickups. Also, the AAA empowers students and youth through giving tours of Chinatown Alleyways for tourists and visitors. Considered one of the best tours of San Francisco, youth lead a tour group through Chinatown explaining the history and cultural importance of street names, Chinatown landmarks and alleys (ChinatownCDC.org). While one might argue that local control is only maintained at top positions and office, through the AAA (a Chinatown CDC program) Chinatown youth participate in local control through the creation of symbolic capital and symbolic resistance by reclaiming historical and cultural significance of “place-based” Chinatown in Bourdieu’s analysis of class and power. Symbolic capital can be defined as “the capacity to use symbols to create or solidify physical and social realities” (Allan, 2006, 176). Essentially, symbolic capital is a legitimate form of power relations. However, symbolic resistance needs to take place in reaction to symbolic violence, which is defined as the “invisible power which can be exercised only with the complicity of those who do not want to know that they are subject to it or even that they themselves exercise it” (Allan, 2006, 174). Here, local control is needed in order to combat symbolic violence. By this definition of symbolic violence, AAA tour guides and Chinese youth volunteers participate in symbolic resistance and protecting the interests of low-income and poor families in Chinatown. While local control is usually viewed in a top down manner, the Chinatown CDC demonstrates a bottom-up example of local control through the production of symbolic capital and resistance.

3.2 Physical Capital as a Tool of Mitigating Exploitation in Capital Markets
Engaging in physical capital is intimately tied with race theory as a means of modern Marxist approaches to mitigating poverty and fighting exploitation. Dr. Cornel West, a contemporary social theorist and race theorist draws from modern Marxist theory in his understanding of capitalist markets. He argues that capitalist markets are expansive “vertically (accessories for an existing product), horizontally (new products within a market), and geographically (extending existing markets to new social groups)” (Allan, 2006, 368). As capitalist markets expand geographically, it “drives commodification, the process through which more and more of the human lifeworld becomes something that can be bought and sold” (Allan, 2006, 368). This is to say that basic human entitlements (housing and physical capital for example) become commodified in capitalist market expansion. Physical capital can be bought and sold at the whims of market patterns and trends. This is crucial as the geographical space of Chinatown (the living space of many ethnic Chinese and racialized Asian Americans) is subject to capitalist exploitation.
Thus, the Chinatown CDC seeks to engage in building physical capital as a major means of resistance to capitalist exploitation in a geographical and racial sense. However, resistance can only be understood through the historical and contemporary developments of racial formation and racial movements in the United States in relation to Asian American nationalism (a social movement that seeks to reclaim culture, not as deficient but as celebrated). This is particularly crucial in understanding community control in response to racism. Omi and Winant demonstrate that Asian Americans fought for community control “to prevent commercial areas (such as San Francisco), Manilatowns, Japantowns had been destroyed by urban renewal schemes which had dispersed residents. Always a popular tourist attraction, Chinatowns have historically been the site of continual political battles over low-cost housing versus commercial development” (Omi and Winant, 1994, 109). Cleary here, Dr. Cornel West’s understanding of expansive capitalist markets through geographical commodification can be applied to Chinatown’s affordable housing stock. Chinatown faces the dangers of expansion and the commodification of housing in and near San Francisco’s rapidly growing downtown, as businesses and outside developers encroach on this ethnic territory. The Chinatown CDC, thus, acquires affordable housing sites in order to protect the poor and low-income individuals from the effects of gentrification and displacement.

3.3 The Dual Edged Sword: Symbolic and Physical Capital in Rebuilding the I-Hotel
The Chinatown CDC engages in resistance to capitalism through building physical capital (affordable housing) but also through the cultural nationalist approach of reclaiming legitimacy, history and place simultaneously—a dual edged sword of physical and symbolic capital. An excellent example of this dual edged approach of building physical and symbolic capital is demonstrated through the rebuilding of the I-Hotel in Manilatown, San Francisco. In 1977, 50 or so Asian immigrants (mostly farm workers from the Philippines were evicted from the I-Hotel to make way for a new commercial development. There was much political struggle and protest that occurred, but ultimately resulted in loss. The single-room occupancy (SRO) hotel was razed two years later. The Chinatown Community Development center rebuilt the I-Hotel “On Aug. 26, nearly 26 years later, 104 studio and one-bedroom apartments for low-income seniors are scheduled to open at 848 Kearny St., at Jackson Street, the same address of the original building. Handicapped-accessible with roomy bathrooms and kitchenettes, the units are vastly better than the crowded 10-by-10 rooms of the old building” (Estrella, 2005). The CDC ensures that the building remains affordable for seniors and low-income residents by setting an age restriction and income cap. Also the new I-Hotel ensures quality of life for low-income families through a learning center, community center, a small bookstore, a performance stage and other amenities (Estrella, 2005). In addition to all this, the new I-Hotel pays tribute to the old I-Hotel, the old Manilatown and to the previous struggles of the 1970s. This historical and ideological tribute to the past is crucial in understanding Chinatown CDC’s approach to symbolic resistance in addition to building physical capital. The new I-Hotel stems from an ideological struggle and thus symbolizes the victory and liberation from the oppressive structures of capitalism and commercial interests. This is directly tied to the Asian American (and cultural) nationalist movements of the 1970s, stressing the importance of community control in ethnic enclaves of Chinatown, Japantown, Manilatown, Little Saigon and other Asian American place-based communities. The material and cultural struggles of Chinatown and Asian Americans cannot be separated. Racial struggle is intimately tied with community development. Community development will never be culturally neutral. Thus, alternative institutions that address the geographical commodification of ethnic neighborhoods like Chinatown need to emerge. In the way of a prophetic voice of social justice, Omi and Winant explain that there is a need for “Asian Americans [to seek] to build alternative institutions which would more adequately address the needs of community residents than could the state or the existing conservative community leadership” (Omi and Winant, 1994, 109). The Chinatown CDC is an example of such alternative institutions that tie the material and spatial needs of a racialized community and the cultural, symbolic forms of capital in order to disrupt the rapidly expanding capitalist market.

4. Conclusion
Chinatown, San Francisco, faces the dangers of an expanding downtown and commodifcation of essential needs (affordable housing). This is compounded by issues of poverty and domestic race issues that have plagued Chinatown for centuries. However, the Chinatown CDC seeks to mitigate the effects of poverty through a geographical and spatial understanding of the capitalist system. As Shaw explains, “Space is not a backdrop for capitalism, but rather is restructured by it and contributes to the systems survival” (Bradshaw, 2003, 327). Thus, instead of prolonging the survival of a system built on spatial exploitation the CCDC engages in resistance. This is employed by a series of strategies and tactics, which seek to overthrow the exploitative nature of capitalist markets and western society. This includes a level of community and local control, building physical capital and engaging in symbolic resistance. This modern Marxist approach of the Chinatown CDC combats a cultural explanation of poverty through approaching the work of community development along the lines of spatial expressions and resistance of market expansion.



Works Cited

Allan, Kenneth. “The Replication of Class: Pierre Bourdieu (1930-2002).” Contemporary Social
and Sociological Theory: Visualizing Social Worlds. Pine Forge Press. Thousand Oaks,
California: 2006. 169-189.

“Race Matters: Cornel West (1953—).” Contemporary Social and Sociological Theory: Visualizing Social Worlds. Pine Forge Proess. Thousand Oaks, California: 2006. 357-382.

Bradshaw, Ted K. “Theories of Poverty and Anti-Poverty Programs in Rural and Community

Development.” 2003. 314-334 of course reader.
Estrella, Cicero A. “The I-Hotel Rises Again: Nearly 26 years later, rebuilt digs offer seniors
room with a view.” San Francisco Chronicle. July 22, 2005.

Ferguson, Ronald F., and Sara E. Stoutland. “Reconceiving the Community Development
Field.” Brookings Institution Press. Washington, D.C. 1999. 51.

Omi, Michael and Howard Winant. “Racial Formation in the United States: From the 1960s to
the 1990s.” New York: Routledge 1994. 109.

Shaw, Mae. “Community development and politics of community.” Community
Development Journal. Oxford University Press. 2007. 27.

Vodak, Jessica. “Tenants and Chinatown Community Development Center Save
Affordable Housing for Seniors.” ChinatownCDC.org. May 14, 2002.

Glenn Omatsu highlights the transitions of Asian American struggle in the United States through historical epochs and people in his article The “Four Prisons” and the Movements of Liberation—not merely as development of consciousness—but as a struggle against oppression and power. The development Omatsu’s argument focuses on the notion of liberation from certain “prisons” which prevent people groups from escaping oppression and subjugation. A few examples of these ideological “prisons” range from poverty and racism to hyper-capitalism and neo-conservatism. While this critical reflection paper will highlight Omatsu’s argument, I will not seek to summarize his points. Instead, this paper aims to provide a critical perspective on Asian American neo-conservatism, Asian American leaders and icons (or the lack thereof) and questions of empowerment for the “collective liberation of all peoples” (Omatsu 109). I will then finally make an argument for the academic and practical development of Asian American theology in the context of ideological struggle and liberation.

The rise of Asian American neo-conservatism stems from an ignorance of oppression and marginalization in historical and present-day, racist institutions. Omatsu simply attributes the rise of neo-conservation Asian Americans to being born in an era of Reaganomics and hyper-capitalism. However, I believe this is a question of epistemology—the study of knowledge. How does knowledge transfer itself to one generation to the next? The creation of the first Ethnic Studies department in the San Francisco State Strikes marks the first signs of this struggle—a struggle of knowledge. If were the young people of the late 1970s and 1980s knew of the oppressive acts of the dominant majority in marginalizing Asian Americans in history, would their only experiences of racism be found in “name calling or ‘glass ceilings’ blocking personal career advancement—not poverty and violence” (Omatsu 97)? However as time moves forward, the struggle for liberation in epistemology remains at the forefront of this battle. Omatsu highlights that even in the Asian American movement, “we have an ideological vacuum, and activists will compete with neoconservatives, mainstream conservatives and others will fill it” (100). While Asian American studies in the past 30 years have made remarkable advances in academia, are Ethnic Studies and political struggle the only channels of liberation? As we approach an age of technology, art, music and film, Asian American scholars have to remain innovative at the frontline of this ideological battlefield. Yimou Zhang, Ang Lee and other directors are at the forefront of Asian American film. However, Asian American film has still yet to liberate itself from the chains of mainstream stereotypes. There is much work to be reclaimed in the area of music in Asian American liberation. I.M. Pei and Maya Lin have made phenomenal efforts in architecture and art. However, do these warriors of the Asian American movement reflect a grassroots activist approach to liberation and oppression or do they perpetuate ideological “prison” that prevent Asian Americans from escaping?

There is a lack of icons and leaders for the Asian American community. While there is an ideological and epistemological struggle at hand, we must realize that ideologies are manifested in people and leaders of our time. International icons like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X manifest Black liberation thought of the 1960s and 70s, but who are the leaders and icons of the Asian American liberation movement? Who are our leaders and icons? Omatsu asserts that the leaders and icons of our movement are found in the everyday activists like Philip Vera Cruz, in the efforts of organizations like CPA Workers Center, AIWA and KIWA. Nonetheless, what ideological contributions do these activists supply in this battle for liberation? I will argue that Asian American leaders do not perpetuate a single, cohesive ideology—contributing to the ideological vacuum. Perhaps this is because of diverse backgrounds or lack of similar experiences or the rise of the model minority stereotype.

Omatsu’s manifesto of a struggle for “collective liberation for all peoples” lacks strategy (109). While it is hopeful for leaders in Asian American communities to rise above their own struggles and self interests, what are the ideological advances we must make in order to win this war of liberation? The answer lies in the academic and historical study of Asian American theology—the study of God or gods from a religious perspective. Fundamental questions of ontology (the study of existence and being), morality, ethics and religion need to be cohesively addressed in order to provide the ideological backing of ideological liberation. Omatsu highlighted the global response to the struggle for liberation in the civil rights movements outside of the US. However, he failed to highlight the blossoming efforts in liberation theology all around the world. Ignacio Ellacuría, a Roman Catholic Jesuit priest, made significant contributions to Liberation Theology in El Salvador. The political implications of his findings was met with resistance which resulted in his murder in 1989 by the Salvadoran army. Reverend Allan Aubrey Boesak was a South African Dutch Reformed cleric who first became known as a liberation theologian in his work Farwell to Innocence, 1976. Boesak became most well known in his participation as an anti-apartheid activist in criticism of the Nationalist Party. Martin Luther King, Jr., was most well known for his involvement in the civil rights movement of the 1960s, but most forget of the ideological roots of his campaign for liberation. In the famous Letter from Birmingham Jail, King calls for unity within the Christian community (particularly moderate white pastors) to fight against racial inequality under the Biblical theological banner of equality of all men under God. While all these icons and leaders of liberation have made significant progress in political struggle, their theological roots have left a cohesive and profound legacy in their respective communities. Asian American theologians have much room to grow in order to fill that ideological vacuum. Among those fighting for ideological liberation, Timothy Tseng, Tony Carnes, Fenggang Yang and Joaquin L. Gonzalez III are examples of Asian American scholars making progress in this field, yet a prominent, cohesive Asian American theology is yet to be unveiled.

I agree with Omatsu’s manifesto for the Asian American community to rise above the prisons of our time and fight for a “collective liberation of all peoples.” Poverty, racism, social injustice, environmental degradation have imprisoned Third World peoples for far too long—yet there is hope as "the shirtless and barefoot people of the land are rising up as never before" (MLK, Jr.). However, Omatsu lacks strategy for his proposal. In order to win this ideological battle, liberation must be found in the development of Asian American theology in order to address the ideological prisons placed on us by white, Western dominant society in order to justify the moral and ethical implications of opposition to oppression and marginalization and racial inequality.

Ugh I have to go to work. -_-

Usher:
There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause
you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo

Alicia Keys:
I don't know about y'all but I
know about us and uhh it's the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

Usher Verse
Do you remember girl, who was
he one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl who was the one
who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby

Chorus:
Usher
It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

Alicia
Now if you loved when we were younger you were mine
And when I see from time to
time I still feel like, (that's my baby)
And if I see you no matter how I try to hide (I can't hide it)
And even though there's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo

Alicia Verse
Yes I remember boy, cause after we
kissed I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy, the moment
I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

Chorus:
Usher
It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

Bridge
My ooh my ohh my ohh my ohh my boo (repeat)

Chorus:
Usher
It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

Alicia
I don't know about y'all but I know about us and uhh it's
the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

nat: im in LA
where should i go
im going exploring tmr
cara: omg
eat
choi yook bao
vegetable-meat-bread
nat: wtf is that
where?
cara: you should go eat it
you kno what it is?
the white bun with the vegetable and meat in it
and sometimes with the "fun see" (clear noodles)
and othe rstuff
nat: interesting
cara: OMG NAT
YOU KNO WHAT IT IS RIGHT
=___=
nat: um
i think so
LOL
dood im hella white washed remember
OH OH OH
cara:omg
nat: i went to a cantonese college fellowship today
cara:you are literally
UPSETTING ME.
nat: why
cara:for not knowing what cyb is
nat: calm down cara.
cara:it's hard when you're getting me all riled up
hahhhaaa
anyways.
how was cantonese fellowship
did you understand anything
nat: OMFingG you just ACRONYMED a vegetable meat bun thing
CYB
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
cara:http://d3.biggestmenu.com/00/00/27/b8424a35701b564b_m.jpg
FOR YOU
nat: oh yea i know what that is
cmon
cara: good
good job
lol
nat: everyone knows what that is
EVERYONE
uh huh
k abc
nat: even whitewashed asians like me

"Cold Cold Heart"

I've tried so hard my dear to show
That you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme

A memory from your lonesome past
Keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time
Made your heart sad an' blue
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn't do

In anger unkind words are said
That make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart

There was a time when I believed
That you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled
To a memory

The more I learn to care for you
The more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart

This post is for you.

I hate it when you (Asian girls) complain about PAMs. You've heard it before. Passive Asian Males. Yes, there is an acronym of this particular kind of Asian-American men. You've probably had your run in with them. Usually PAMs are characterized by low self-esteem, a lack of social competence with girls and a lack of confidence. When one thinks about what a PAM is one might think of a nerd/study bug, a hardcore MMORPG gamer or an anime freak. You then hear about how Asian males don't have the balls to ask a girl out. Or even worse, you've heard how PAMs, in a relationship, don't "take the lead" in the relationship. Or perhaps you've heard they aren't expressive in what they want or what they need. There is often a mischaracterization of Asian men. Maybe this is why so many Asian girls prefer white guys or black guys over Asian guys?

I used to argue that Asian men are not passive. But I think I've changed my mind, because I met a lot more Asian guys. I will readily admit, PAMs do exist and there are many of them out there. However, what I have a problem is with the negative connotation of a PAM--that being passive is a bad thing. What the heck is wrong with being passive? Why is it preferred for Asian women to passive and for Asian men not? Notions of gender need to be deconstructed in order for us to understand masculinity in an Asian-American context. There is the notion that men have to be strong and aggressive--pursuers of the woman of interest. And if you are a passive male, you're a wuss or sissy who can't "man up" to your role as a man. Where does this come from? Masculinity can be wrongly measured. For example, why are sports a good avenue of masculine activity and MMORPGs/gaming not? Girls will complain that Asian guys play too many video games. This is put in contrast with white guys playing a ton of sports. Yes, sports benefit physically, while the other one doesn't. But really they serve the same purpose: to provide an avenue of control and masculinity in an affirming environment of competition and power. These are both equally masculine, just expressed different. Asian men can't help it if they get cut from the high school football team because they're too scrawny and the coach is racist.

But did you ever consider that PAMs are more faithful, more committed in their relationships? That their strong notions of family and loyalty will lead them to never abandon their loved ones? Or that they are taught to respect and venerate their wives (or women in general)? Maybe they don't ask out any girl they meet because they value the relationships in general and feel that dating inadvertently is illogical. Maybe Asian guys don't step up in church leadership because they need to respond practically to the pressures of providing for their family through studying bio-chem or computer science (perpetuated by the immigrant experience)? Or perhaps did you ever stop to think that Asian men are often emasculated in the media, emasculated in their middle schools and high schools and even emasculated in their churches--and that they need to preserve the little sense of manliness that they have left through World of Warcraft or getting straight A's? Consider this: Asian men are so freaking masculine... in their own ways.

I want to say that I would not identify myself as a passive Asian. Though I have been wrongly categorized as passive and stereotyped as a PAM. There's nothing wrong with being one and sometimes I wish I was one. Also, there are many Asian males aren't passive and don't fit that stereotype. I just have observed many PAMs and have known how genuine and great they are. And for myself, I've been through the stage in my life where I felt I needed to be something I wasn't--a white guy. I'm not white. Stop trying to make me white. Speaking for all the Asian men out there, I'm sick of taking all the crap about PAMs and how lame they are. You're lame. ...hahaha. JK, not really.

In conclusion: Asian men aren't all that bad. Give them a chance. Stop dissing on them. Get to know them. Recognize how masculine they are, though it may not be that visible at first. And if you hear your fellow Asian girlfriend complain how passive her boyfriend is, tell her that being passive isn't always a bad thing. Tell all your Asian guy friends how you love how they're into first-person shooters, MMORPGs, anime and that you'd love to join them. In fact, go out and buy yourself a PS3 and start practicing. Haha.

I'm leaving for Germany tomorrow. I'll be back on August 23rd.

Sausages, beer and chocolate! Cheers!