This post is a product of a conversation I was having with Tracy about getting guys to not like you anymore. So girls, heres some advice. Take it or leave it. Haha.
It totally depends on your relationship with the guy and what kind of guy he is.
If he's your good friend and you don't want to lose him, but you don't want a relationship because you don't like him...tell him how you really feel about him. If he values your friendship over some petty crush, then I'm sure he'll understand. Don't annhiliate him though. Be clear, but make sure you don't crush his spirit. He's a person too. Affirm him as a person of value and worth. For example, "Steve, you're a great guy with an awesome personality. I really value your friendship and what we have going on here. I still want to be friends with you, thats why I don't think we should be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship." Then you have to give him some space. Don't expect him to be like "Oh ok, dats koo," and act normal. Chill for a few weeks or a month and then move on from there.
But he has a crazy crush on you and hasn't told you till JUST now (months, years later) then he DESERVES to be shut down. But at the same time, if you really couldn't tell and didn't DEFINE your relationship as "Just friends" early on, it's partially your fault too. Above all, don't play guys. Use the DTR card indiscriminately even when you KNOW you're just friends with the guy. A lot of guys are stupid. OR you need to stop flirting/hanging out/talking to him so much and realize that guys don't have a "friend zone."
Now if he's someone you really don't know that well but has had a gnarly crush on you for years, then you have two options.
If he's a LOSER and a creep SHUT HIM DOWN immediately.
**Side note: How do you know if he's a loser? Who does he hang out with? What does he do on his spare time? Does he have similar aspirations and dreams? Is he a man of integrity, character and values? Does he love God?Does he serve and is he involved in ministry (this reveals a lot about a guy, see how he acts and serves...is he committed? responsible?)? Try not to judge a guy on how tall he is, how fly he dresses, etc. Do you see a future with this guy?**
IF NOT, shut him down hard. And do it now. Shut down means: murder all hopes and dreams that you two will EVER get together. I know it sounds harsh, but this guy is a creep and needs to know his boundaries.
Just because you don't know him that well and he's liked you for a long time does NOT immediately make him a creeper. Give him a chance. If you start to get to know him and find out that he's cool (strong character and a man of integrity, loves God, serves in ministry, similar aspirations, etc) then at least THINK about it. This is where it gets tricky. Try to find out WHY he likes you. If he genuinely likes you for who you are then try him out. If he just likes you a lot because you're "mysteriously pretty" then forget about it. Also, if he's just socially awkward or dresses funny, it DOESN'T mean he's no good. A lot of guys who can't dress themselves well or isn't exactly that charming are GOOD QUALITY GUYS.
Know that your every interaction with the opposite sex has SOME sort of implications. Remember: Guys don't have friend zones like you girls do. Use the DTR card indiscriminately, even if it makes the friendship awkward. NEVER EVER let something go unsaid. DON'T FLIRT with a guy if you don't like him or you don't think you'll have a future with him.
And one last note...If he's in love with you, then I'm sorry, hun, you're stuck with him. You can't do anything about true love. Give him a chance! Maybe you'll end up falling for him. =)
Well anyways, I gtg. DC baby!
More next time: Why do girls like older guys?
Comments (6)
if he's a loser and a creep, shut him down immediately hahha.
what is this... new dtr xanga?
That's right. Bandwagon time!
I believe society has just made a lot of hasty efforts to define something that's too complex to be defined, but consequently we just have to go along with what it says, or else nothing would ever happen. But hey, what do I know?
So according to you... if he's a loser or a creep, shut him down immediately. So if he is not a loser, you shut him down hard and immediately. Nice implication to pity the loser.
As for everything else... well... I can agree about the DTR card part for both our sakes but I know some people who go subtle DTR mode within the hour you know them. There's a balance and right time they gotta hit.
Some ppl just suk at DTRING giv them a break hahahaha or maybe there are other reasons
hahaha, well writ, my friend, well writ. :) pretty funny, and very true. i think girls need to be clear if they are not interested, and they need also to clarify "I WILL NEVER BE INTERESTED. EVER." if that is the case, so guys don't have any lingering hopes. otherwise it's all bad.
hahahha I totally agree with this because this is what I did!
well, i guess my situation was hard to avoid since it's someone at work. It was very awkward even just for two weeks, so I have to straight up confronted him about it.